US Virgin Islands

We went to the beach in the US Virgin Islands. They have gotten very inventive with their cabs in the USVI. There were 3 cruise ships in port, including Carnival’s “Freedom of the Seas” ship which is the biggest ship on the water, with an insane amount of things on board, like a skating rink and 4,500 passengers or something insane. Instead of normal car cabs, the USVI has modified huge Ford trucks. The one we took seated 17 comfortably. They change the truck bed into 4 rows of padded benches with open sides and a roof and the cabbie makes about $240 round trip. We had a nice cabbie with an underbite who told us there was no way we could go to Megan’s Bay because it was damaged by the hurricaines, so we went to Secret Cove beach. He honked at everyone he knew and casually opened the door in the middle of the street for his daughter/friend/niece who jumped in with fast food and talked on the phone with a crazy thick accent. He was very nice and talked really fast and said “we don’t have a governor. We got a man who collects a check.”

We went to the beach, which had a bar directly behind it featuring a very drunk couple. The gentleman section was in a black speedo and a very bad sunburn. I would kindly call the female section in a bikini “obese” and our favorite moment was when he played a very fast, long, slappy drum solo on her tanning behind. O vacation.

On the way back, an elderly couple from Iowa (if I had to guess) joined us in the cab, both sitting next to the cabbie. They got to talking about the Virgin Islands and were very upset about Obama charging $5 for people to put a sign in their front yard in South Carolina "that is the height of egotism." They said Carnival cruise line is "okay" and said Secret Beach was clearly "not a secret anymore."