Aruba, Weirdoes, Daring to Complain

We are now in Aruba, where I have been told twice by two different cabbies “get a tan” or “you need a tan” so I guess they are very open with their opinions. Also, it is very hot today, and some unlucky crew member is wearing the fur dolphin mascot costume to pose with passengers for photos off the ship. When he thought no one was looking, he was fanning himself by pulling roughly at the front of his fur pelt to fan himself.

Our cruise is very long. 2 weeks. Therefore,we have a ton of extra sea days and therefore need a bunch of extra programming for the passengers. They have had to add things, like a hypnotist and another singer. I am educated about something very central to being an American: the songs “YMCA” (which the acappella group and the new singer both do) and “I Will Survive.” Also, I think all cruise ship performers secretly believe they/we are famous. Another cruise ship performer said the singer was “you know, typical cruise ship performer—adequate.” O.

We had a huge dinner last night at a steak house, where we heard more unfortunate stories about the ship doctors. Apparently they have a very special license which means they are basically not doctors on shore. They may be heating and cooling specialists or casino dealers. A kid broke his arm last week and they didn’t know how to set the bone. A youth counselor got a parasite under her arm, her treatment on board went like this “Oh, you have an abscess from using the water on board. Here take some Vicodin and 2 seconds after you swallow, we will cut under your arm and pull something out. Then we will cut again because it we didn’t get it. Then, don’t worry, we won’t give you stitches or anything. Here, have some more Vicodin and, p.s., bury it in your luggage when you go home or you will get in trouble for drug trafficking.” Her Canadian doctor then hit the roof because it was a parasite and she needed stitches and the only way the parasite was kept at bay was that she had heavy duty antibiotics.

We also heard about the 3 ghosts that live in the Kid’s Center on board the Star. Apparently there is a man with a hat, a 9 year old kid, and a toddler. These are such documented ghosts that the cleaning people refuse to go in there unaccompanied and kids regularly complain. Weird.

I would like to make a tshirt that says “DARE TO COMPLAIN.” There is a lot of daring to complain going on generally. Also, I am further learning that Lots of Entertainers are Hugely Arrogant Weirdoes. All you have to do is live on a ship with them and you will wish you are in high school where weirdoes get beat up. Or where you can say “shutup weirdo.” I say this with full awareness of my own weirdoness. When passengers are fascinated by our jobs, I want to explain how annoying everyone is that we live with and that a big part of your life is seeing the same people once an hour, like it or not. This is probably what everybody feels in their jobs. Yes YES YES YES! I dared to complain! I am the BRAVEST!

The clouds in St. Thomas were gorgeous last night. We had the delightful experience of laying in the hot tub and watching post sunset clouds with a few stars in the sky, and floating around in the perfect temperature salt-water pool with no one else, then eating like King Glutton Pigs with delightful conversation. I got to find out how much people play hockey in Canada. It’s insane. The girls do and their mothers do and one YC said she’s never dated a guy who DIDN’T play hockey and she lived in a place where she drove her snowmobile to school. Fun. Keep talking Weirdo!