Feet and New Jersey, of course

If you would like to make someone crazy, may I suggest finding someone trying to read, sitting next to them and slowly moving your feet in a circle, rhythmically. 1. 2. 3. 4. 1. 2. 3. 4. 1. 2. 3. 4. With kind of a slow, relaxed beat. Make sure your knees move a tiny bit. The reading person will try to block it out with her book, but if you are doing it right, your moisture-free toes will flap, rhythmically, beyond the edges of the book. Also, the reader will turn to almost face you in order to get the angle right to block your creepy feet. Then you can kind of look at her here and there and try to see what she is reading. Extra points if you are racially different and the reading material is all about racial equality. Just a tip!

The back of our ship is terraced, so there are two stair steps of deck chairs. This is a great place to read and hang out if you are someone who does not want the sun but wants to look at the ocean and kids running around and losing their minds. Also if you want to say to yourself “how young is too young for a bikini.” And I guess the main type of person who likes that on this cruise is someone close to 900 years old. So you can gaze out at 3 year olds in bikinis and have an ancient human with a small t-shirt and very high dress pants and belt cross your visual field.

Other quotes:
About 2 hours after we left, 12 year olds were running up and down the stairs, as per usual. One 12 year old shouted, with glee: “I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THIS BUT THIS SHIP IS BORING!”

I may have said this before, however:
There is a big line outside of the two free restaurants most nights. We went to have dinner and the line was crazy (typical). One patron, a large-ish woman in a dress, but with a good sense of humor, said, regarding the line and the general situation: “There’s a line so slop must be good tonight.” Indeed, the slop was the “seafood night” which features lobster. When you order the lobster, the waitstaff must be instructed to always say “would you like some more lobster?” a la a coffee refill. Now I know to say no, because once I thought it was a joke and ended up with a second helping of lobster. This dish is called the Lobster and Grouper Extravaganza.

An additional tale from this ship and the sneaking suspicion that Jerry Springer is sending people here:
There was an incident with a teenage girl and her mother. Let’s call the teenager Princess Andwena and the mother Queen Lotollinate. Princess Andwena and Queen Lotollinate decided they would like to investigate the emerald offerings on the ship (since there is always a Columbian Emeralds store on every ship). They decided to simply reach over the counter and into the display case. Princess Andwena was told by a silly gentleman working behind the counter that that was against store policy and that if she would like to see some jewelry, she could ask and someone would get the jewelry for them. The Princess and Queen, from the land Nyeau Jearsae, understood not, perhaps because they were slightly drunk, but that’s a rumor. So, the Princess forgot and leaned over to get more jewelry, and let’s remember that these are standard jewelry cases, so that means she had to about lay on the counter. Lo did the silly gentleman once again inform her that she is not permitted to do that. Lo did the Princess forget again. Lo did the silly gentleman say the same thing. Lo did the Princess and the Queen forget yet again, and lo did another woman working behind the counter say “you can’t pull out the jewelry yourself” or similar. And lo, didst the Princess begin to shout racial epithets and horrible personal insults, which then escalated into the Princess slapping the woman behind the counter. Ever loyal, the Queen helped the princess slap the woman behind the counter. Mother and daughter, hitting a jewelry clerk. The birth of American pride!