Breakfast

Our cruise director starts the morning with this announcement: “A traffic report for you ladies and gentlemen. Slow movement on the walkers path this morning with a jack-knifed wheel chair.” This is a joke. This is terrifying because there are so many people in wheel chairs and that could really happen. Also, according to the cruise director, about one person dies on the cruise per week. So.

Highlights of New Jersey people relating to New Jersey people:
Someone walked to the buffet line, which was stretching probably 25 feet longer than normal and not moving. It blocked traffic in from the hall, so you have to cut the line to get to say, the fruit (no line for the fruit). Someone announced to the general populace “there is more food up front. You don’t need to wait like this” with the typical subtext delivery of “stupid asshohle.”

To cripple a populace, offer: eggs to order and waffles. A sad upset man said “are you in the waffle line?” to about 15 people, until he gave up. People were standing in front of perfectly good food, waiting for waffles. It is an efficiency disaster, which I blame on this ship being built by the Chinese, who don’t feel the same way about breakfast.

If you would like to make yourself vomit, I would humbly suggest watching someone pour a vat of reconsitituted egg mixture from one vat into another.

Also, there is one coffee dispenser which is only decaf coffee. It is the only one like that and has 2 spouts, both labeled “decaf.” It was the first one that a dad and his 14 year old daughter saw. She was furious and said, loudly, offended and like she figured it all out, “they’re trying to serve us decaf coffee on this cruise because it’s cheaper” and walked off in a rage. Classico. Every other dispenser is regular coffee.

Also, in keeping with the East Coast Directness Sentiment/New Jersey Mentality, these things happened:
a) I asked a gentleman from Long Island if he was from New Jersey. This was offensive to him. I assumed this because he talked about the hot girls he saw in thong bikinis several times.
b) When you ask people to say, in unison, their favorite color, they usually say “BLUE!” and when you ask them to say their favorite toothpaste, they usually say “CREST!” I don’t know what people usually shout out for “name a movie style!” in other crowds—usually it’s not unison—but this crowd for some reason said in unison: “HORRAH!” i.e. Horror.
c) We play a game where people ask questions and we respond hilariously. One mouthy gentleman said “does the crew actually like us?” We, hilariously, replied “no” with hilarity (obvious).