A Stingray Tour

In case you are wondering, the ocean is still totally bizarre. I did a tour with stingrays. This is me holding a 60 lb. female and being pretty sure she was going to flip out and eat my face: 

Here we are again:

Here's the normal sized male: So relaxed!!!

Here's me calmly patting the female and not being afraid of the tail:

And here's us in a line, waiting for the tour to start. As soon as the stingrays noticed us, they knew they were going to eat. It was very hard not to let go of the fish and freak out when the sting ray came towards you. I succeeded on my third try. 

And here is a personal ad that I would write if I was a female stingray:

Hieee!!! I’m a really fun female, about 8 feet wide on my disk. I’m looking for a guy who’s smaller than me (obvious!!!) and looking to mate a night. But only in the winter. I don’t have any teeth—well, I mean technically I do, but they are like sandpaper nub things, so not really teeth. I hope that is not a problem!!! I am NOT a shark and I can join you on the surface of the water for like a second but I can’t really let my eyes come out of the water (I hope that is not a big deal!!!!) because I will choke to death etc. (hahaha!!!).  Anyway, I have separate breathing and eating holes.  One for eating (my mouth!) and two for breathing (behind my eyes!!!) which I hope makes me interesting and you don’t find creepy!!!! I prefer guys with two visible genital prongs that they don’t hide (I think it’s important). I used to have like a foot long-ish (I bet it is shorter) prong on my tail that was (WAS!!! J ) covered in venom. Um, a) I never used it and b) fyi I would only have used it if I was EXTREMELY SCARED meaning—I had REASON—because I am delicious to eat! Or so I hear (not that I’ve ever been like a cannibal or whatever, ew gross!!!). I have to be honest and say I DO prefer to stay near the bottom and flap around in the sand (this is a deal breaker if you are not into it). People sometimes scream and go “EW GROSS!” when I touch them (this is if those people are stupid). I must say I DO get mad if you step on me (just being honest). Most people think I give velvety soft kisses with my body (just the underside!!!!). Some people think I feel like a soggy huge pancake with a pushy weight of a golden retriever behind me. I…well, I hope that’s not true. But I am a stingray. So. I hope that’s okay.

If I were the ocean, I would be very annoyed about being called a weirdo alien with weirdo alien residents.