Marsha & Dave

We got cancelled going to Martha’s Vineyard. Something about the weather, something about the tendering.

I am sitting next to a hilarious couple, as per usual. The guy sat next to me and said over his glasses, “how much are you paying for internet.” I said “75 cents a minute” which is a lie, but is what they pay. The guy said “that’s crazy” and then opened a book to read. He read the dust flap on the front, then the dust flap on the back. He fell asleep in the middle of reading the back flap. His wife sat down and joined him, she is pretty large and has a gray crew cut and wore all black velour. She clearly gets her nails done very regularly and finds them gorgeous. She started talking to another couple about how terrible everything is, including “as smart as I am with all of my college degrees I didn’t know that arteries…” which was a nice gem. Or “as a Native New Yorker, I’ve seen all that shit before…” regarding the Empire State building and a show which the other couple wanted to do. The other couple said “I’d really like to see a tree.” “Grows in Brooklyn?! Hahaha, no—“ said Marsha.

Marsha then informed them about how terrible the entertainment on the ship is, qualifying it with a “well, I live in Vegas now.” The other couple said “oh, you’ve got Wayne Newton, he’s the best.” Marsha said “no he’s not, he’s not, ugh, he’s awful.”

I also loved, regarding their cellphones, which they both opened to see if they had any signal: Marsha “yours says ‘Hi Dave’ why does it say that, why does it say ‘Hi Dave’—why doesn’t mine say ‘Hi Marsha’” He gave it a long moment and then “because my name’s Dave” which made Marsha very annoyed. She then said “look we could get on the internet” and then Dave said “yeah, 75 cents a minute.” Marsha said, brightly, “that’s not bad! If you’re fast!” They both clearly smoke a lot, I would imagine Dave drinks a little to calm down from Marsha, who told the other couple “I’m going to write a letter to the cruise ship company. Did you get insurance? See, we got cruise ship insurance. Only $50 a person, and that’s not bad—our room is on the same floor as the medical office. Not that I need it HAHAHA! But yeah, it is.”