NYC, Asians, Sleep

Boat!

We port every week in New York City, which is a wonderful antidote for living on a ship with giant fleshiness. I got in a cab and as we were driving, the cabbie asked me to re-close the door. Another cabbie threw me his cabbie/tourist directory to figure out where we were driving. The directory made no sense, and by the time we got to the pier, he made it clear that he had been there many times before.

I am becoming cruise-ified again. I went to M&M World in Times Square, because I must due to the way Peanut M&Ms taste. There was nothing in there. All tchotchke crap, like a resin peanut m&m bag with 3 mini snow-globes. Or crap purses. I thought of buying a huge M&M pillow very briefly. Then I left. I announced to my cast mates how crap that store is and how there is nothing in M&M World and no one should go there. My cast mates informed me that I apparently missed the escalator and stairs that take you up to the top floor where there are endless candy delights in every possible theme and color. Heh. Oh.

I went to the New York Library, which is a research library in Manhattan. It is gorgeous. It is the polar opposite of a cruise ship and I sat in the Baltic Studies room and downloaded things. Everything is historical and old and hand crafted and elegant. The Rose Reading room made me become either more beautiful than ever before or have terrifying laser death eyes that people could feel. I made meaningful eye contact with hundreds of people. It is incredibly wonderful to see large masses of human beings and have them be STUDYING and using their MIND and QUIET underneath wood and hand painted oil frescoes. Also there were several galleries of ART actual ART and portraits of old dead Americans (one with a wall eye, bonus) and people tell you things like “you can’t do that in here” which is wonderful. Unfortunately, there was also a homeless gentleman wearing a suit with one leg ripped off to the point of Daisy Duke shorts getting dressed in the corner of one of the art exhibits. So, it’s not entirely fairyland.

We have an impressive sail away on this run. “Sail Away” is the technical term for the amount of time you spend sailing away. Everyone gets on the top of the ship and takes pictures of each other. I yapped on the phone in a lounge chair, desperate to yap on the phone. I sat next to 3 ladies, probably related, one was much older. As soon as we started to leave the port, one of the freaked out and squealed “weeee’re starting to MOOOOVE!!!” I also saw a full cookie randomly tossed out into the hallway.

Roommate and self are probably a little crabby today. Our cast mates warned us that our room is louder than the others. We have a pole in the middle of it, which I like because I can put my foot on it. The room wasn’t loud the entire week, so I happily could follow the worldview that “everyone else is an oversensitive whiner.” Well, turns out the night before we come BACK to port, the two walls and the pole become giant drums. There is a crew hallway next to my bed and behind our room. I think they must put luggage there. And by put, I mean “slam against wall” or “drop things” or “purposefully throw things on the ground, like a metal tray of metal trays.” My wall and bed repeatedly shook. Also, the pole in our room is a drainage pipe for the buffet, I think. Or a pipe that you put large metal cans down, or noise bombs that will explode in the middle of our room. Meaning: we woke up over and over and over again swearing, and mein roommate wears earplugs. I dreamt about helicopters flying low to the ground. Just saying.

Also, I am learning to play ukulele and therefore got all of the verses to “Clementine.” It is dark and depressing and terrible and about a girl drowning and someone who can’t save her. Terrible.

Quote of last cruise, a New Jersey gentleman teenager walked outside, lifted his arms and shouted: “FYI I’m F-L-Y.” Priceless.

Also, we went to see the comedian tonight. He does a lot of wife-based and how-horrible-marriage-is based jokes. We sat by a Chinese family of 2 parents and 2 girls, both around 9. One of the girls laughed very hard whenever anyone else laughed. This was hilarious, especially when the comedian went on his Asian-jokes tear. Like “I had a girlfriend who was Chinese. She was a cashier. Her name was Ka Ching.” Oooh did that 9 year old like that. Also the “I ordered checks from my bank, they said they’d send me the regular, already stamped ‘insufficient funds.’” Apparently the 9 year old understands financial checking difficulties. This was a delight.