Zee Wah, Los Gatos, c a b b i e s

Today was the last day in Zihjuatenejo. As soon as we got off of the tender boat, an official looking gentleman asked us if we were interested in going to Los Gatos beach. We, in fact, were, so I inquired as to the price. He was cagey and said $10 round trip each, and since there were 2 of us, $20. He got us immediately after we entered non-cruise ship territory. I said “meh,” he impressed upon us the location of his boat and the round-tripness of his boat. We said we’d shop around, even though he said it was such a good price, etc. We then walked about ½ a block and talked to some taxi drivers, which we found somehow, probably when they said “TAXI TAXI TAXI TAXI TAXI.” They pointed us to the only way to get to Playa Los Gatos, which is a publicly run service which costs $3.50…round trip. So. There were guys to help us on and off of these small boats, who said “mi prominas!” and also “tips ladies!” I am hardened.

I also got in a cab 4 times in Acapulco and had the fun game of “no cambio!” lie acting twice. I said “ocho, it was ocho” after giving A GENTLEMAN NAMED HOGAR who discussed Madonna with me and other things that I may or may not gusta and informed me that my espagnol was actually muy picanyo and not just poco or even picanyo. I told him he had a slurry Acapulco accent and was probably swearing at me and shouldn’t pander to me with 1980’s Madonna (no I didn’t because I don’t have the spanish). After agreeing to an $8 cab that should be $6, after starting with $15 (very bold), the guy who farms out whities to cabbies said “$10 with tip!” I said “no, OCHO.” Then we go to the destination and he said “no cambio” which was an acting performance and I said “I agreed to ocho” and he said, in English “but my tip” and then started saying “mi propina.” The other guy with the “no cambio” game said “oh no, no cambio” very gravely as though he didn’t work in a cash only business where people give him amounts of change and gave me a 10 peso coin and shrugged so he still got his PROPINA, even though he took the extra extra long way, which is another statement I cannot express in spanish. Also, I could fight these people, but they are driving cars and there is heavy mafia and apparently the risk of kidnapping in Acapulco is not, how you say, small. Meaning, it’s large. Meaning I don’t want to die.

Passenger Bits!
While in that water taxi coming back from Playa Los Gatos, (which was okay because we only met 2 vendors (necklaces, of course and…of course: peanuts), and weird because we witnessed a very nice dog with hangie nipples get assaulted in the water by 3 other gentlemen dogs right in front of 2 well padded whities on vacation) we spent quite some time not moving in said water taxi. Meaning we got in the boat with a lot of fanfare and then idled there for like 15 minutes. There was a big boat backup and 6 identical boats parallel to each other and banging into each other. I should note, the gentleman running the on-off ramp at the Playa was…the same gentleman who suggested we take our $3.50 ride for $10 (exact same ride). 3 other people were there from the ship, one was a woman in full makeup and her husband and son. They had huge hockey sized suitcases, which made no sense because they were from the cruise ship, so they had our same 7-1:30 window. She was getting very furious for many reasons, all based on waiting. So she tried to convince our pilot gentleman to pick it up with a few “I’m going to be sick!”s and “I can’t do this!”es and “Amigo!” and pointing at her watch, which was a Mickey Mouse watch. She proceeded to get madder and said to her husband: “this is cutting into my shopping time!” and it was a little hard to take her seriously because she was wearing those earrings that are three layered and hung on a hoop. I just looked at my camera for verification that it was a cat, and found out that it is Lelu from Lelu and Stitch. One layer is the head, one is the body, one is the feet. She then had some Mexican girls take a picture of her and her family, out of the blue and after about 10 minutes of silence. It took 3 tries to get it right “you need my husband—him—you need 3 people! Tres!” but the girl across from her was sitting too close so they had to pass the camera down the line. O persons.

Also, we would have a lot of guys from restaurants run up to us and suggest getting food, one of whom advertised “good food! clean bathrooms!” which made me miss America and the way people pretend no one uses the bathroom in advertising for lunch. It happened so much that when the last guy came up to us, castmate Mark asked him if he wanted to get a good meal and what did he want, what could he get him. This confused that gentleman greatly.

My dad explained Mexico nonsense with “people are cheaper” which applies in many places, including things that raise and lower in a parking lot. Whatever that bar is called. In USA, we have laser eyes and machines and maybe a person who presses a button. In Mexico, there is the bar across the road and on the other side, there is a large heavy box with a handle on it with a man in a uniform who presses his whole body weight on said box to raise the bar into the air.