POOP STORIES and DANGER STORIES

Since we are a gathering of humanity, we get some bizarre stories, even though some of it comes from people who can spend around a grand for a week’s vacation. Here’s my favorite story from last night, which involves heavy use of the word shit, since it is how it was told to me and adds color:

This started because someone said, “didn’t you hear about the Shitter?” Apparently there was a passenger who took to shitting places. As in, the floor of his room, in his shower, on his balcony. He also did some shitting in various places on the ship, like the casino and around deck 7. He took a shore excursion, where he also took a shit. He took so many shits in so many places, in an environment which is totally observed by surveillance, that the hotel director said “enough” and had him quarantined to his room, since it was too much of a hassle for the people whose job it is to clean. The only problem with this was that he was about $30,000 down in the casino. So the casino manager wanted him gambling. So they worked out an arrangement, through various string pulling and agreements and probably loud arguements, to get the Shitter into the casino. The casino manager got his way. By the end of the cruise, the Shitter won $380,000.

During another cruise that got entirely out of hand, a gentleman was put in the brig, which is barely ever used. This was a cruise where parties that typically last until 2 a.m. went until sunup and were followed by after parties. The gentleman in the brig was very upset about his location, to the point that he “shit everywhere.” But, always the gentleman and excited about his cruise, he wrote “HELLO HAWAII” with his excrement.

There is another ship which ports out of Miami with us. In a week they had a woman fall over board, a crew member had a baby, another crew member ODed, and they picked up a boatload of Cuban refugees, which the Coast Guard picked up and flew where ever they fly them.  I did not fall overboard, that was an entertainer on a Carnival ship, during a New Year’s party who was, apparently, doing something stupid. This fills me with dread and makes me want a safety harness, however. If you fall off you are toast.

And finally, a visual present: today’s gym excursion featured a 20-something-ish gentleman in his surf shorts bathing suit at the lat press. He wore tiny black anklet socks, and a pair of: white flip flops. O PEOPLE.